Putting Fingers In My Ears and Humming LA LA LA

Hawtpants of the Old Republic Posted on by

LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

So every few days, my husband will announce to me “you’ll never guess what they’re doing in SWTOR!” and proceed to tell me about the newest tidbit of information he read somewhere or heard on a podcast.

It’s very interesting.  I care very much whether there will be the need to JUMP (oh how I suck at jumping) in instances.  I care what the healing will look like.  I care about what the UI will let me do.  Oh noes!  How will I live without Grid and Clique?  Will I be a respectable healer in this new world?  Will I have to hunt down the best resources for my med packs?  WOOOOE!

You see why this is a problem.  Speculating leads to anxiety, and getting overly anxious about and invested in a game that isn’t even out yet seems like a colossal waste of stressing out.   Breaaaathe.

I used to flip the hell out whenever something made it to Test Center (SWG) that I totally hated.  Oh, this is going to be horrible!  And sometimes it came to pass (and indeed it was horrible)1  and sometimes it did not.  But focusing on it didn’t help.2 In WoW, I kept an eye on the patch notes, but tried not to “woe is me” as much.  Because, honestly, it’s going to change or it isn’t, period.  And even if they fuck up your favorite class beyond all reason, you can play an alt.3  It is NOT the end of the world.

Remember back in the day, before EVERYTHING was on the internet, you bought a game, read the manual (maybe), and started playing it.  Just like that.  And by the time you reached elements that you would have considered panic-inducing at the start, you totally knew how to deal with them.

So that’s the plan.  Reading the equivalent of “the manual” (in this case, browsing the holodeck) and booting the damn thing up.

Nothing I read will make me buy or not buy the game because I’ve already preordered.  Nothing that I read now will make me “more prepared” or help me avoid an irreversible error.  And it’s not like I’m marrying the game.  The most terrible horrible thing that could possibly happen is that I don’t like it, and I unsubscribe.4  And that’s not so terrible horrible at all.

No anticipating.  No worrying.  And for the love of Pete, no whining.  Except about companions.  Because, seriously, I needed my pool boy.

  1. Anyone remember the “Image Designer Stat Migration and Timers” debacle? ↩
  2. Hell, even as a correspondent, pointing out the terribleness to the devs usually didn’t have any effect either! ↩
  3. Taking away my goddamned tree form.  Jerks. ↩
  4. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention “NGE” here.  So there it is. ↩

Companions and Why I Can’t Have a Pool Boy

Hawtpants of the Old Republic Posted on by

This was me when I first heard about companions:

I shall have one companion and name him “Pool Boy.”  My second companion shall be “Cabana Boy.”  They can wear skimpy clothes on my starship whilst doing all the crafting making pretty clothes.  My starship, incidentally, will be called “Njessi’s Sweatshop.”

Hey, a girl can dream.

Imagine my disappointment when I learned that you can’t name your companions.  Apparently, they have back stories and personalities of their own and aren’t just my minions.  I suppose people would abuse the ability to name companions, but I’m so disheartened by no “pool boy.”  I probably can’t dress them in Speedo-equivalents either.  So. Sad.

Now, kiddies, I was wanting eye candy here not, ahem, anything else.  Romance option?  Lame.  I just don’t know where to begin with the lameness of this.  Like a cyber blow up doll.  Maybe if you make googly eyes at your companion, it will send a clear “fuck off” message to would-be cyber-humpers, in which case, I will immediately marry whichever companion I see first, even the wookiee.

And speaking of the wookiee, what the fuckcrap is up with the complete and total hotness of the currently revealed female companions with the absolute fugliness of the male companions.  8 sample companions are up on the official site, 4 male, 3 female, and one droid.  Not one suitable specimen for a speedo-sporting cabana boy.

Oooh la la. Hey baby, you sure you don't want that "Romance Option?"

 

You know you're in trouble when the wookiee is the best-looking one. For the love of Pete, I don't want to see ANY of the above in a Speedo.

Granted, the companion preview set my mind at ease (somewhat) since there was at least one Speedo-ready male featured.

I question the hair, but otherwise, he will do.

Not that I have to have the prettiest boy companion of all time, but it’s the principle of the thing.  I know there will be 40 companions, total, and it will probably even out the field somewhat.  But for the purposes of the 8 current sample companions on the website, it seems geared to an audience of mostly (teenage) boys will want to hang out with hot chicks or males that don’t threaten to be more attractive than them.