The first time through Shadow of Revan, I was srs bzns and ignored all the flirt options.

The second time, I’m a little bored.  So I decide to flirt with Theron.  (The plan is for the next toon I level to flirt with Lana.)  Anyhoo, here’s what happened.

Required Spoiler Warning! Even though, seriously, this is old news.

Where were we?  Oh yes, Theron.  So there’s a meeting and Lana says “Will there be anything else?”  Previously, I had said “No, I’m outie here.”  This time, I said yes, Theron, prepare for the smoochies.  I am rewarded by the black screen of… mommy issues.

That’s right, the screen goes black and when we return, Theron is bitching and whining about how, since he was Satele’s super-secret love-child, she wasn’t around for his childhood and working with her is all weird, blah blah. I guess her super-secret love-child thing is a “big reveal” except that she gave him the last name “Shan” so… duh.

Yes, I flirted with you so I could listen to you yammer about your mom.  Great.  Score one for the Bounty Hunter extraordinaire, AKA, Dr. Phil.

Obviously, we broke up at the end of the alliance on Yavin when the empire and republic went their separate ways.  OK, maybe not so obviously, since the bounty hunter is pretty much a free agent and the empire/republic thing doesn’t mean shit.  Not sure there’s much of a conflict of interest, but, you know, the dude had to think of some excuse to dump me.  It’s not you, it’s me… and the Republic.

Lana sent me a letter after Yavin.  Theron did not.  Loser.  Then I see him on Ziost, flirt a little – it’s not like we broke up on bad terms – and he says (literally) “Yeah, uh, hi.”  Articulate but also… ouch. I haven’t finished Ziost but I doubt the smoochies will occur in the foreseeable future.

And Issen, the bounty hunter, joins the the not-so-exclusive club of women who have a lame ex with mommy issues.