Dear Corso

Dear Corso,

By now you should have been served process that I’m filing for dissolution of marriage in the district of Ord Mantell.

I could say “it’s not you, it’s me” but that would be a lie, because it’s definitely you.  Thankfully, Ord Mantell has no fault divorce, so I didn’t enumerate our marital problems in the petition to the court, but I wanted you to know.  At least that’s what my therapist says I should do.

Mainly, you’re a chauvinist.  At first it was endearing and quaint, but a few months in, suddenly you’re a domineering control freak.  It was downright embarrassing to have you question and second-guess every order I give on my ship, like I’m incompetent to make decisions.  That’s right, it’s my ship and you work for me.  Not my problem that you found that threatening.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is having you hovering on the bridge backseat driving while I’m flying the ship?  I think you actually believe the stereotype about female pilots and didn’t trust me not to crash into a moon if you weren’t there to constantly monitor me.  Of course I let you fly more often than I did – it was easier than listening to your nervous yammering in my ear.

And you weren’t just controlling and condescending to me!  Your sexist behavior toward Akaavi and Risha was making my life hell.  I had to stop Akaavi from killing you a good dozen times.  Risha was about to marry that noble dude and scoot back to her planet.  Do you know how hard it is to find a good mechanic who just wants to hang out in the engine room all day?

Another sticking point in our marriage was your irrational jealousy and lack of trust.  I couldn’t have a conversation with another man, even on the holo, without you popping in to chaperone and then grilling me afterward to make sure that there was nothing going on.  And, god forbid, I talk to an ex-boyfriend.  I’d have to hear about that for weeks.  Look, you knew who I was when you married me and the number of notches on my belt.  Not even the jedi can go back in time; it’s not like I could un-sleep with them. But you refused to ever let it go.  It’s not like I was BSOCKing them after we were married, but to be honest, I was tempted with how you were acting.

And, by the way, watching me while I sleep is creepy.  Like sparkle-vampire creepy.

Anyway, I hope you find happiness with someone else, though I’d implore you to get some counseling or therapy so you don’t end up in divorce court again.

Sincerely,

Captain Halleli

P.S. It goes without saying that you’re also fired.

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    Dear Corso — 11 Comments

    1. I couldn’t stand Corso from the moment I met him. He’s just so annoying! One planet with that naive farmboy attitude and I wanted to hurl him out the airlock.

      Oh, you disapprove of what I’m doing, do you? -Again-? Bowdaar! Playtime!

      • On my gunslinger, I sent Corso back to the ship as soon as Bowdaar joined the crew. At least then I could punch (badguy) women in peace. Corso is the only companion that I’ve encountered that cares about the gender of the badguys with whom I interacted.

      • Haha, my Y-u’no flirted and BSOCKed with Corso at every opportunity (and with any other man encountered, to be fair), but when he proposed she was like “nah, why not, like, leave it as it is?” I felt a little bit bad even though I got crazy from all his clingyness (especially in the end), but it was sooo the right decision! :D

    2. My girlfriend and I were leveling a gunslinger and a commando together for a while. Our favorite thing to say was always “Shut up, Corso.” It became the unintentional punchline catch phrase to our entire leveling experience. Heck, I still say it. Even to other characters. “Shut up, Cors– I mean Kaiden.”

      God damn you, Corso.

    3. I don’t think Corso was the only reason Gunslinger didn’t take when I tried it a while back, but he may be my least favorite of the starting companions. Is he easy to bribe later if I just play with HK or Treek instead?

    4. Finally. I have been expecting to hear about you divorcing Corso for months now. I can’t believe you hung in there as long as you have. You go, girl.

    5. From the time I got Risha on my gunslinger, she never left my side. It was rough, having a pure DPS companion on a pure DPS class, but if you played Dark-ish Side, the dialogue options made it all worth it.

      Plus things just melted when both of us focused a single target.