Do Not Wear This (Ever)

Obviously you guys love your bikinis, but I cannot stress this enough:

There are crotch flaps and butt flaps attached to the top.  They always look stupid!

Observe, this might be marginally acceptable from the front, even though you can see the crotch flap clipping through the skirt.

However, from the back, it’s horrendous.

Why, by the way, would you pair the flashy bikini top with that raggedy skirt (Sandpeople bloodguard from the world event, I think)?

Now, a “how” for you.  HOW do you strap an assault cannon to your back whilst wearing a bikini? “Seasons Greetings” tape like in Die Hard?1  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, fix that.  Seriously.

bikiniandgun

Upon collaboration with several twitterati, I have decided to start a campaign to “Ban Overused Obnoxious Bikinis” or “BOOB” for short.

boob

C wut he did thar?

Until next time, remember, only you can prevent fashion disasters.

  1. But I decided not to include a picture of the movie scene because, ugh, there is a *lot* of blood.

I Guess I Could Have Been Stubborn And Waited On My HK-51 Ticket

So I got a response on my whole HK problem:

Dear [Me],

Thank you for contacting us regarding your issue with the HK-51 mission, “Assertion: Repairs Required”.

It appears that since submitting your ticket you have successfully completed this mission, and acquired HK-51 as a companion. I am pleased to see that you were able to resolve your issue.

I have forwarded your report to the development team, who will investigate further. I regret that we will be unable to provide you with further updates on this issue, but recommend checking the latest patch notes at www.swtor.com/patchnotes for information on any fixes or changes related to this issue.

If you notice any additional errors in the future, I would ask you to please submit a ticket under the Bug Report category, or type /bug in chat, and your information will be forwarded directly to the QA team for investigation. If you require additional assistance beyond reporting the bug (such as an item restoration) please also submit a ticket using a different category, and we will investigate for you.

Thank you again for the valuable feedback you have provided. I apologize for any inconvenience caused by the issue you experienced, and for the delay in responding to your ticket.

Please do not hesitate to contact us again if there is anything further we can help you with.

Regards,

[REDACTED] Star Wars™: The Old Republic™ Customer Service

I mean, this is good customer service, right?  Responds to my problem and everything.  But they must be terribly understaffed!  See, I submitted the original ticket on 12/1, got an unhelpful response right then and submitted my “please escalate” that day.  And today is 12/12.

Because I finished the quest, I feel like I wasted their time.  I wasn’t able to un-submit the ticket because I submitted by e-mail rather than in-game… however, the reason I didn’t submit in game was because it was a response to an existing ticket that was originally submitted in game and that in-game ticket was closed (after being answered in a cursory manner).

I don’t really have thunderous applause or resounding “boos” right now.  I have learned from the response above that I should submit multiple tickets under different categories for the same problem – which admittedly makes no sense to me and seems like it would be annoying to be receiving those, but if that’s what they want, I can do it.  It’s why copy/paste was invented.

Anyway, thanks for reading.  Go download a wallpaper or something.

Hawtpants Goes Prime Time. Maybe. Also, Have Some Wallpaper.

So I’m at the bioware cantina crawl and people are telling me I need to get more blog exposure.

That is Joveth, Eric, and Darth Nihilus. Also, then I realized that a Darth Hater guy was there doing the REAL news-blog thing and I stopped taking pictures and was lazy.

Please, more people, read my drivel!  Here’s what I could be doing to get more attention:

  1. Register with the community team as a fan site (OK, check!)
  2. Do that reddit (swtor subreddit) thing.  I signed up and started answering questions, and I’m actually pretty good at that.  Surprisingly, there are a lot of people who care about looking cool. I even added sharing buttons at the bottom of posts and social sharing links at the very bottom the feed footer so people can share posts on Reddit.
  3. Post on the official forums (now THAT is a hive of scum and villainy. I still haven’t done that.)
  4. Maybe do a developer interview (I’m not sure that I’m the right person for THAT, snicker)
  5. Be a guest on a podcast?  I’m going to file that under “totally do not have the time to block out for that.” (Writing posts can be done in bits, not like a podcast.)
  6. I’m sure collecting underpants was one of the steps.  There is no profit (because I don’t run ads, they are icky)!

I might be getting more readers!  I’m thinking about the cons though:

  1. Trolls are morons
  2. My hosting might explode (since I pay out of pocket AND don’t run ads, I really hope this doesn’t happen.  I can’t afford to be too popular.)
  3. Pressure to actually write something informational (har har)

If you regulars suddenly start to see new faces around here, cool.  If they behave like assholes, feel free to nuke them from orbit.  That’s the only way to be sure.

Now, my first “fan site perk” – a new wallpaper.   Here, you will see  a charming scene of republic and empire putting aside their differences and heading out for a night of drunken debauchery in Nar Shaddaa, culminating with fireworks and watching the ball drop… I mean SPACE-ball drop.

Looks to me that this night will end with some serious violations of the jedi code with that there Zabrak.  If the smuggler dude doesn’t seduce him first.

Companions In Social Gear

As you guys know, companion match isn’t currently working (I don’t think it got fixed in today’s patch either).  Fortunately, the day before that happened, I had switched my companions into social gear sets (more or less) and they match anyway.

Kira is wearing the Voss Mystic outfit (Social 5).  But not the hat because she still has a blue unmodded hat.  I’ll put on the circlet as soon as I can get her a hat with mods.

Doc is sporting the Balmorra outfit (Social 2), on the theory that I found him as a Balmorran resistance fighter.  However, the headgear is very face-covery, so he is wearing the Hutt Cartel goggles (Social 4) which look a whole lot like a heavy armor hat that I have on the sith side for my bounty hunter.

Continue Reading »

I Stop Being Stubborn And Get HK-51

After spending a week being very stubborn about my customer service ticket regarding that last annoying piece of HK, there was an all-guild group going through Maelstrom and I just couldn’t say no to that.  At the end, I was bitching and whining about why the fuck do you put a box inside a box (because REALLY) and my husband says:

“Well that’s your mistake.  Step 1 is obviously to cut a hole in the box.”

/die laughing

If you have to ask, here’s the original Saturday Night Live digital short.  It’s probably slightly NSFW, but it is bleeped.  Really, how unsafe can SNL be?

Is there a loyalty chip in that box or are you just happy to see me?

Home Sweet Ship

Time for the grand tour of my ship.  First, let’s look at my closet. Yes, I have 2 bank tabs devoted to fashion.  Don’t judge.

Unlike the hideous mess that dominates every aspect of my life, in and out of game1, I organize clothes by slot.  It’s unnaturally anal-retentive.

However, I am quite sad that I can’t decorate my ship.  I have decorated as best I can.

He’s reddish and therefore counts as a holiday ornament.

If I drink too much eggnog, I may end up in the medbay. Oh noes! Anything but thaaaat.

  1. My desk looks like the Tasmanian Devil threw up

Customer Service “currently only offer[s] support for class story missions”

This weekend I was on the last component part for the HK quest.  The husband had taken the critter to Home Depot for Xmas lights, and I had uninterrupted game time.  The perfect time to do Maelstrom Prison.  Two kindly guildies who didn’t need it nonetheless offered to go with me.

We got to the end without incident.  I clicked on the box, I squeaaaaled with excitement, and then we bounced off to do the final phase of the HK quest.  My guildies were going to help me, so I high tailed it to Section X…

… only to realize that my quest tracker still claimed I needed the loyalty chip.  Wait, what?  I searched my inventory.  I searched my quest tab.  I searched both multiple times.  Maybe it’s in a BOX that you have to open?  Nope.  It’s not there.

Well, fuck.  This was one of those moments where I feel like crap because not only did I waste my limited uninterrupted gaming time, but I wasted the time of two other guildies!  I decided to put in a ticket.  After all, I wasn’t trying to get something I hadn’t earned.  I had legitimately finished Maelstrom Prison and clicked on the box!  Who the hell knows why the thingy didn’t end up in inventory?

 

I didn’t know if they would grant my ticket or not.  I figured there was a reasonable chance that they would say something snotty like “one should make sure that one actually has the item before leaving the instance.”  But I did not expect this:

Greetings,

I am Protocol Droid [redacted], Human-Cyborg Relations.

Thank you for contacting us regarding the issue you encountered with your mission.

We are sorry that you have encountered an issue with your mission, however please be advised that we currently only offer support for class story missions.

We would kindly ask you to try the steps outlined below to resolve your issue, if the mission is still in your mission log. Unfortunately if you have abandoned the mission, we cannot provide assistance.

If your mission is located within a story area or flashpoint, please try leaving the phase by either:

• Walking out of the Phased Zone via the Portal Entrance (Green Gate)
• Reset the Phase by right clicking on your portrait and selecting reset phase /reset local phase.
• Using your Quick Travel ability to a Bind Point.
• Using your Emergency Fleet Pass.

You can determine if your character is within a story area or flashpoint as there will be a small gold bar on your screen with a character name on it. If you are on your own, this will display your character’s name. By default this is located near the top center of your screen, if you have modified your UI you may have moved it. If the bar shows a character name which is not your own, please leave the instance and then reset it following the instructions above. Once you have reset the instance, re-enter, ensuring that you are the first person to enter (this will ensure that you are the “owner” of the instance, and your name will appear on the small gold bar).

Please be aware that you will not be able to successfully reset your mission when inside your personal ship or your hangar at a Spaceport, as these are considered story areas.

Once you have left the story area, please open up your Mission Log (you can do this by pressing the mission icon on your main menu bar or by pressing the Mission Log key, [L] by default) and then highlight the mission you need to reset and click on the reset button.

If this does not help fix your mission problem, or the mission is not located within a story phase or flashpoint, please try resetting the mission and then attempting it again.

Thank you for your patience and understanding, and we apologize for any inconvenience this issue may have caused.

Galactic Support is our specialty…

Sincerely,

Protocol Droid [redacted]

Wait, what?  Ignoring the fact that none of the rote suggestions given had anything to do with, nor would they solve, my current problem, this stands out to me: please be advised that we currently only offer support for class story missions.

Uncool, Bioware, uncool.  This HK mission is the heavily advertised new content, and support will not be provided for it?  Really?

I immediately composed a very simple reply to the email, as I think that nobody wanted or cared to read a long dissertation on my thoughts about WHY a company should provide support for advertised content.

This response is disappointing and I would like you to reconsider.  It is unacceptable to fail to provide support for this quest line. The HK quest is new content which has been heavily advertised.  The majority of players at 50 either have done or will do this quest.

Please escalate this ticket to a supervisor.

Nothing so far on the ticket. This morning I got an email from swtor.com that was advertising – you guessed it – the HK-51 quest.  I’ll keep you guys posted.  Or I’ll get over being stubborn and just re-do Maelstrom.

Preview Window Made Awesome (Undignified Squealing!)

A little while ago I asked Santa Bioware for a few totally reasonable things, including a problem that was plaguing me for some time: color matching in the preview window (or rather lack thereof).  Well Santa Bioware obviously thinks I haven’t been THAT naughty this year, because this gem was in today’s patch notes (Thanks @jasporDH for telling me):

The preview window no longer ignores Unify Color settings.

I won’t have to make a COPY of every item (or BUY it) and then bind it to me to see how it matches – I can just preview it!  Undignified squealing commencing… now!

Jumping Puzzles: Partying Like It’s 1989

Back In My Day We Jumped Uphill Both Ways

The year is 1987 or thereabouts.  I get my first NES and start Mario Brothers.  Now, this game was frustrating and annoying.  You miss a jump, and you die.  Miss too many and you have to go all the way back to the start.  There is nothing worse than playing for hours, finally thinking you nailed it, screwing up, and being sent back to square one.

Getting the fire flower was total sploits! (Image from Wikipedia.)

What did we do about this back in the day, you ask?  Well first, we got frustrated, right?  And then, because we wanted to actually get to the damn end, we bought guides (with cheat codes) or the Game Genie or Game Shark that allowed us to cheat our way to the end, just to FINISH.

Up up left right B button (Image from Wikipedia)

But when you start reading about how to do it and cheating and whatnot, it immediately ends the sense of fun and wonder.  You have to memorize strats and you’re no longer discovering things for yourself.  You’re taking dictation and following instructions.

My HK-51 Questline

Fast forward to last week and I’m prancing through the Theoretika just as happy as can be.  Sure, I could be using a guide, but I’m having a lot of fun poking at doors, and then backtracking as the order I did things in was the least efficient possible.  Whatever.  Oh look, there’s a thing to click on!  Hey, there are 7 of these total.  I wonder if I missed one in one of the rooms I already went in?  I must find out.

I’m scooting around the ship and clicking on things to see what happens and all of a sudden, well I’m trapped.  This is supposed to happen.  I didn’t fuck up, but I’m trapped and have to get to the other side.  How?  You guessed it.  JUMPING.

Well fuck.  I suck at jumping.  Nonetheless, I bravely searched the room until I found the most likely way to get above the ick so I could cross.  After a few tries, I realized I had no earthly clue where to go from the top of the pipe where I was.  I fell off things and onto things, and kept doggedly trying a jump that I didn’t even know if it was technically possible to do, even for someone skilled.

I gave up.  I pulled up a guide.  When I saw the instructions, I realized that it would have taken me a very long time to figure out the circuitous path.

Hey guys, this is TOTALLY EASY! (Escher wuz here, yo)

There was alt tabbing.  There was, of course, falling, and with falling comes copious swearing.  I was halfway through and fell and I remember letting out one of those half-sob sighs, like OH NO I have to START OVER.

Why This Is Not Fun

Something that is supposed to be fun should not require instructions.  Instructions are for assembling furniture.  Instructions are not fun.  The instant something becomes frustrating enough to turn to instructions, it has lost a bit of the sense of discovery that attracted people to the game.

Poor IKEA man, that jump puzzle looks hard!

Something that is supposed to be fun should not require endless repetition of the beginning to get to the end.  This is why we have speeders at the start of raids, so when you’re halfway through and you wipe, you don’t have to run past all the stuff you killed.  It’s why in WoW you can extend your lockouts and don’t have to re-kill every starter boss every week in order to keep working on the last boss.  Having to repeat the first few jumps multiple times is just a blatant time sink for no good reason.

Something that is supposed to be fun should not gate a certain gaming population.  This is the whole reason behind story mode, that you let everyone see the content you created, regardless of whether they are any good at raiding.  I want to access the HK content.  At that point, there was a part of me that thought I might not actually get to have an HK.  Or I’d have to take extraordinary measures like enlisting some really good jumpers to do it FOR me while I waited on the other side.

Eventually, I kicked the sorry ass of the jumping puzzle.  It wasn’t an awesome sense of accomplishment.  I was relieved and annoyed – more annoyed when people started telling me the cheater ways that you could get across using cooldowns.  Well, why did they even think about trying alternate methods?  Oh right, because the jumping was so difficult and lame that they were looking for ways to avoid it.

An Open Letter

Dear Bioware,

No more jumping!

XOXO, me

Njessi’s New Outfit (Includes Space Pants)

I finally decided on an outfit that I love and will probably wear for a good while. It also doesn’t seem to be something I see on the fleet (at all) so I’m unique-ish.

For those who are keeping track at home:

Remember, folks, most of these pieces are republic-side stuff/appearance. You imps are on your own.